peace

two days ago, sat on the staircase infront of a huge storage room infront of a private gallery, with a cigarette between my fingers listening to that one insignificant song that makes no sense but has a nice beat, i experienced something strange. i had to sit down in the first place because i was so tired and had gotten so little sleep the night before but i had this immense pain in my knees, it was like if someone had taken a hammer and punched each of my knees one time, equal pain on both knees and it hurt everytime i wasn't walking, but i had to sit down because i was so tired.

i also had to buy a new bag of tobacco, because i had forgotten mine at home and it pissed me off a little bit, also because i was in a very expensive area and all the food was so expensive and i was hungry but i was thinking 'at least smoking makes you lose apetite'.

anyway. i was sitting there with this cigarette in my hand that i had rolled so carefully because i was so tired when two girls came up to me and asked me for directions, two young italian girls and i told them what they needed to know and when they left i took another puff of the cigarette and i breathed it out

and then

i closed my eyes

i closed my eyes and felt how my body was filled with this certain kind of peace i had never ever known of before, i felt orange eventhough it was raining that day - i suddenly felt so disconnected to the rain and to the cars and to the trams and to that cigarette that corrupted my lungs with tar and

and i was afraid of opening my eyes in case i would lose that tranquil state i happened to be in, but i did it anyway - i take stupid risks like that - then i closed my eyes again and that serenity filled up my body again and then i just sat like that for a minute.

it reminded me of what my friend said about yoga once; it's not about doing 'the clown', 'the pissing dog', or 'the tiger', it's about finding that one position where you feel at peace and it doesn't matter what it is, if you find that peace while standing on your hands or when you just put your head onto your shoulder while sitting; it doesn't matter as long as you feel like you are relaxed and at peace.

so yes, i am so happy now, i am so happy i found out that this exists, this peacefulness, i am so happy it actually exists and that i found it; now i can close my eyes and feel nothing - i can close my eyes and feel nothing and relax where ever i am - that being on a bus stand, on a plane or on the top of a hill in thüringerwald.