everything goes around at least a hundred times and then you die

oh my god, i always feel like killing myself when i am standing in front of a yet-to-be explored trauma


last year:
but i don't know what to do with myself anymore, i didn't know what do with myself yesterday night and i'm really really grateful that you came to give me a hug yesterday - my future self will thank me for making that call that asked you to come over, saying: i feel bad, really bad

and you are such a good friend i am sorry that you have a friend who can tell you actually what they have been eating for the last eight days, how much pleasure this sick nasty disgusting person finds in being hungry but i was honest and i told you why i needed to do that and i am so happy i was honest to you and i am so happy you understand that you don't judge or you don't yell or force me to do anything and that really helps, just one fucking look of acceptance from you to me, me who right now is someone who is not capable of accepting what the mind is doing to the body